I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
