I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
