Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
