Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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