T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
