i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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