i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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