first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
