All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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