You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
