i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
