saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
