Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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