god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
