dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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