why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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