why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
