He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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