WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
