the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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