I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
