Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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