He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
