yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
