after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
