You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
