I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Even the bartender felt bad for me
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
