hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
