That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
