listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
