I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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