Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
