My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
