If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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