On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I forget how to act sober
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
