this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
