i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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