My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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