I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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