sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
