some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
