What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
