So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
