mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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