Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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