i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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