D3 body, D1 cock
I just pynch a tree in the face
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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