Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Porn is love you can see.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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