Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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