My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
