is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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