I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
