I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
